Jaded at (Almost) 30: I Knew I Was A Grown-Up When…

• I had to pay out-of-pocket for a dental appointment.
• I wrote my first check for property taxes.
• I told some kids climbing over the pool gate that they’re lucky they didn’t hurt themselves.
• I took an infant’s temperature rectally.
• I accepted my body’s size and shape.
• I voluntarily went to bed at 9:15 PM.
• I told a customer something they didn’t want to hear.
• I was able to write more than “I turned 18″ on a list like this.

7 Things I Learned from Sleeping on the Couch

1. The downstairs neighbors do a ridiculous amount of talking at 2 AM.
2. Apparently the cats hold chariot races between the kitchen and dining room table from 3 AM to 4 AM.
3. Then they use the litter box from 4 AM – 5 AM.
4. The couch periodically smells like Teddy Grahams.
5. Relatedly, Teddy Graham crumbs are surprisingly abrasive.
6. In case of emergency, the green status light on the DVR can function as a commercial-grade spotlight.
7. I may have wasted $2500 on a memory foam mattress.

This post is brought to you by a lingering cough that subsides during the day but mysteriously returns the second I approach our bed at night.

Things I Never Thought I’d Say: Work Edition

• “I’m sorry, ma’am, I don’t know the answer to your question. I’m not qualified to say whether your dog is allergic to mold.”
• “Hell yeah, I want to see the cantaloupe-sized hairball you just pulled out of the extractor catch-bin.”
• “The client has confirmed that all clothing can be disposed of, except for one item. He’s asked us to please save the chaps.”
• “I suppose clothing is optional under a Tyvek suit as long as the project manager approves.”
• “Please don’t get sprinkles in the duct-cleaning machine!”