The Unspoken Rules of Daycare (for Parents)

In the near-two years that Mittens has been in daycare, I’ve discovered that there’s almost a Fight Club-type attitude about certain things that we, as parents, are just supposed to know but aren’t really allowed to talk about when it comes to the practice of checking in and checking out our dear little ones at their respective group care facilities.

I’m choosing to impart this knowledge to you, under threat of naptime sabotage, for two reasons: 1) so you don’t make the same mistakes I did; and 2) so you don’t PISS ME OFF in the process of making the same mistakes I did.

Rule #1 – Don’t park right next to another car in the parking lot when there are many spaces available.
This rule is, by far, the most simple yet most disregarded rule of the whole experience, and I’m completely at a loss as to why. I think it’s safe to assume that 99% of the people in the lot have children and assorted belongings that need to be either loaded or unloaded from a vehicle, and parking thisclose does not help anyone. Fair warning: if you choose to pull in right next to me as I’m throwing my Scion into reverse and then quickly jump out to unload Little Miss Precious from the same side (i.e. the side common to my car), I can’t be held responsible for nicks, scratches, or bruised egos that may result. And if I decide to take the high road and wait for your inconsiderate ass to get the hell outta my way, be prepared for a very loud playing of Prodigy or Cypress Hill or something equally as inappropriate while I sit patiently in my car.

Rule #2 – No one really wants to chat; they have somewhere else to be.
I’ll admit, I’m guilty of making this mistake occasionally, but I usually know better. Drop-off and pick-up at daycare is like shift change – parents are either transitioning from home-to-work or work-to-home, but very few are going from work-to-home/social hour. Either way, parents are transients, and extended lingering will inevitably be cut short by storytime, the program director, or an errant whining child who just wants to get home and watch the Disney Princess Sing-A-Long for the millionth time (not that I would know anything about that).

Rule #3 – Trust the teachers because they choose your child’s naptime.
Thank goodness I didn’t have to learn this the hard way because trust me, it’s probably the least pleasant lesson out there when it comes to kids and schooling. I worked as a special education assistant at a public school years ago, so I know what it’s like to be on the front lines of childcare. It’s never wise to act a fool because your kid’s teachers are qualified adults who are just trying to do their jobs, and they care about your child’s well being just as much as you do (even if it’s because they’re paid to do so). Also, lest I seem crass, teachers, even at the daycare and preschool levels, are like dictators when it comes to their respective classrooms – they wield the supreme power to make decisions regarding programming, discipline, and daily function. So, uh, consider that food for thought.

So that’s my current list. If you care to add anything, feel free to email me, so long as it isn’t during the hours of 7:50 – 8 AM or 5 – 5:10 PM. Y’all know where I’ll be at those times of day.