Oh hey, Potty Training. I didn’t see you there. Guess you just crept up on me. I always knew that you’d make an appearance some day, but I didn’t think it would be quite so soon.
And honestly, I’m sorry that you came all this way, Potty Training, but unfortunately we’re just not ready for you yet. Not ready.
Seriously. I’m not ready for you.
And neither is Mitzi.
Well, I think she’s not ready.
Pretty sure.
Nope, I’m calling it Not Ready for right now.
I mean yeah, I get that she’s been sitting down regularly on the tiny toilets that they have at daycare. And yes, I get that she’s capable of getting herself onto the plastic potty that we just recently bought. But she’s only used it one time! And it wasn’t even intentional!
Really I’m still not sure that it wasn’t just residual moisture from her hair that slid down her back into the potty.
And truth be told, this is a very weird time for me because potty training is, well, kinda scary.
It’s not that I’m scared of poop and pee – I did have two large dogs, after all – but I’m afraid of how I’m supposed to correctly navigate successful movement into this new chapter in my child’s life.
In the course of her short existence, I’ve aptly explained numerous things to Mitzi, not least of which include: how to hold a sippy cup, how to use a fork, the process by which DVDs are removed from the box without scratching the holy hell out of them, how to properly eat a Ghirardelli dark chocolate mint square, and how to steal fries out of Daddy’s fast food bag.
I could handle those things (among others) because there was always a good way to break down the process into bite-sized toddler-understandable pieces.
But tell me, Potty Training, how do you teach someone this? What’s the best approach? Because here’s what I have thus far:
Step 1: Sit on potty.
Step 2: Go.
Yeah, I’m seeing that there’s a glaring flaw in my task analysis, too.
And now I’m just filled with fear.
Fear for Mittens’ self efficacy level, fear for her self esteem, fear for our ability to communicate, not to mention fear for my bathroom rug, hallway carpets, and the entire contents of the two packages of princess underwear that I recently purchased.
I have so much anxiety, Potty Training! And Mittens hasn’t even actively started anything yet!
So if you could just hold off for like another, oh I dunno, FOREVER, that’d be great.
Because we’re just not ready yet.
Well, not me, at least.
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